56. Your Heart Belongs to Me, Dean Koontz [audio]( 1-55 )

This was an audio book Mum passed on to me. It was awful. It's about Ryan, who finds out he has a heart issue and needs a transplant. The back of the box made it sound like that was the beginning of the book: he gets a transplant and then someone starts stalking him, wanting his transplanted heart for herself.

No. The first 5 cd's were him getting sick, getting paranoid, getting crazy, getting a new heart. Then, finally, the meat of the book: he's stalked by the woman whose sister's heart he has. Except...as far as stalking goes, this was fairly tame. I mean, yeah, she shoots him in both shoulders and his foot and gives him a floppy ear by whacking him with the gun, but it's...tame. And lame. I mean, think about it: you get an organ transplant and a family member of the donor starts stalking you. That has true creepy potential. It could have been an intense and scary book.

But Koontz failed. Big time. His books have gotten progressively worse over the years, or my reading tastes have been raised to a level he can no longer meet. This book wasn't as bad as Almost Adam, but it was damn close. The only reason we were able to struggle through it was because we could be incredulous together.

So I was in Virginia-ish, somewhere in that area. I only know because I looked at a map and saw that Ohio wasn't that far northwest of me. Of course, Minnesota was also directly north of Ohio and Canada was practically knocking at Ohio's door, so for all I know, I was in California. After wreaking havoc at a college campus (specifically in one of the girls' dorms), I grabbed someone and said, "Let's go to Ohio!" I'm sure the someone had a weird look on their face because really, Ohio?

And then we drove. I drove. I remember it was interstate 33 and it curved around, and going into Columbus was a bitch. We were debating going on to Minnesota or Canada (just to cross the border so we could say we'd been there) and then we were leaving the airport. I was calling Seri (because I know you're from Ohio, but if not Columbus in real life, you totally lived there in my dream) to see if she and Ben wanted to do lunch ("someplace local," I insisted) because we had a 4 or 7 hour layover.

Good stuff.

Last night I had a bad night, and he'd planned to sit in bed with me and draw out a diagram of how we might rearrange the living room to fit a new bookcase we got as a wedding present. We cuddled then fell asleep.

Today, he picked me up from work and we talked about what he did today: went to pick up my phone from his mum and sister (I left it at their house on Thanksgiving), took a nap, and played a video game. I asked if he'd gotten around to moving stuff around, and he said no.

We walked in the door, and the living room was completely rearranged. (Well, the living room side, not my craft area.) He'd had to move everything: futon, bookcase, movie shelves, tv, tv cabinet, liquor bookcase, and a bookcase full of books. The tv is a bitch; it's really big and heavy. And I know that full bookcase is heavy. But he'd done it all to surprise me!

He makes me happy.

The vacation/honeymoon was fantastic. We started the week in Tampa, where we stayed the night on Sunday. We went out with Nathan's cousin (who was terribly excited to have family that wasn't her parents in town, so I wasn't upset about spending a couple of hours with her on our honeymoon :P ) to a really good Spanish restaurant. Remembering what Melissa said once about ordering some appetizers to share rather than entrees all around, I suggested we get 3 or 4 tapas and share those. We had 4 different things, which was nice because we all got a variety instead of one entree, and we all left totally satisfied.

Monday we got on the ship and that started a week of relaxation and a lot of doing nothing. We ate a lot, took a nap every day, hung out in the piano bar a little bit (SAME PIANO MAN FROM THE FALL BALL CRUISE!!), ate a lot more, and just enjoyed being away from everything. We took an awesome pirate ship excursion (if you're ever on a cruise in Grand Cayman, the pirate ship excursion is well worth it. It's one of the cheaper excursions, and you get a ride in a pirate ship, firing at the cruise ships, free rum punch (or soda or water), and swim time. Also, the crew was very nice: a lady got seasick and they took very good care of her and got her back to shore as quickly as they could). We looked for rum and Cuban cigars, but Nathan was disgusted at the price of the Cubans and I only had $10 in my pocket and didn't think to ask Nathan to buy me rum.

In Cozumel, we got off the ship, wandered through the pier shops, then headed out onto the street. We should have taken a map. We ended up in a little cigar shop where we dickered for Cubans and got a couple. That night, we sat in the cigar bar and smoked the cigars. Nathan really enjoyed his, but mine was just another cigar, at which point he said he has to buy me a cheap nasty cigar so I understand how good Cubans are.

We bought maracas for Kady and Monkey (sorry, Sid << >>) and a shot glass for me, then we got back on the ship and bummed around.

We ended up watching a silly movie called My Life in Ruins, with the lady from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Richard Dreyfuss. It was oh so bad, but we giggled a lot.

55. Bloody Bones, Laurell K. Hamilton
54. Under the Dome, Stephen King( 1-53 )

I bought Under the Dome before I left and saved it for the trip. Which I'm happy I did, except for the fact that it weighs fucking 40 pounds. It's over 1000 pages, but it's well worth the read. If you're a King fan and think his recent stuff has been going downhill, this is much much better. It's on par with It or The Stand (It is my favorite, though many people like The Stand). The dust jacket is interesting: it has the standard picture and title on front, but there's nothing on the flaps. No author information, no synopsis of the book. I had no idea what it was about when I started reading, and I very carefully kept myself from looking anything up online. It was a unique experience, going into a book without knowing the slightest thing about it except from the picture on the cover. I generally read the back or the inside of the dust jacket so I have some idea, but going into Under the Dome blind was nice. No expectations, no wondering when the action would start.

Bloody Bones was my trash book for the trip. I'm glad I had Under the Dome for most of the week, because I started Bloody Bones on Friday and finished in Atlanta on Saturday. This is a typical Anita Blake, vampire hunter novel: Anita's called to a job, job goes wrong, Anita fights bad guys, Anita is attracted to vampire, Anita learns lesson about life. Fun to read, action-packed, but not serious literature. :P

Home safely, in one piece, and still liking each other.

Also, never flying AirTran again.

The ticket counter in Tampa was a nightmare. We had to print out our boarding passes--no big deal. There was a lady behind the counter while we did that, but then she walked away before our checked bag tags could print. And stayed away. And stayed away. Eventually, I had to pee. So I left my photo id with Nathan and walked quickly to the bathroom, knowing that because I was away from the counter someone would come help us out and we'd be the ones holding up the line. I peed, then rushed back to the counter. "Did the photo id thing work?" I asked Nathan. "No," he said, "They still haven't gotten to us."

The AirTran guy at the kiosk next to us was totally incompetent and fumbling. The girl there was trying to get to Akron, but the car had a blowout on the way to the airport and she was late. Did the guy try to hurry things along? Nope. Did he ask for help from someone who might know what to do? Nope. He just stood there staring at his computer.

Finally, after about 10 minutes (literally 10; I tend to exaggerate time, but this time it's literal) of standing at the counter waiting for someone to come tag our bags, someone finally did. And it took her all of a minute to tag the bags and check our ids.

So we went out to smoke, having finally unloaded our heavy bags, and I said, "No more Tampa. Uh-uh. Never again." Kind of joking.

We got through security (where the old lady behind the x-ray machine had to pull out the tube of toothpaste I specifically bought because it's 3 ounces and we needed something for overnight in Tampa Sunday, and then her co-worker came over and said, "I have to do the same thing" and then the first lady said something and then the second lady said, "I always pack mine." I was tempted to explain myself, but why should I have to explain why I need toothpaste in my carry-on to two old broads who got sent to Tampa from New Jersey so they wouldn't have to retire? Fuck em.) fairly easily, then found shot glasses (I collect them) and a flamingo that said "Florida" on it and basically puttered around until our flight.

Now, I was already tired. I seriously considered curling up on the floor there in Tampa and taking a nap. I woke up at 6.30 Eastern, had to navigate everyone leaving the ship like lemmings, then had to leave the ship with Nathan and find our bags and get through customs and blah blah blah. By 2.25, when our flight was scheduled to leave, I was a little weary.

And about to get a little pissed.

Normal flights have zones and the gate agent calls people by zone and it's chaotic but it's somewhat controlled. Well, not in Tampa with AirTran! They opened the back door of the plane as well as the front, and the seats in the back half went out one door, down a flight of stairs, across the tarmac, and up another flight to enter the plane from the back. Everyone else went through the front.

We went through the front. Except the gate agent at that door was "calling rows." Not zones, but rows. Because the zones had been thrown out the back door when they opened it for faster boarding. Utter chaos, I tell you. Also, the people at the gate were pretty rude to the old people in wheelchairs waiting to get on board. "No, no! She'll have to wait for one of us to take her down!" I saw one of them grab a wheelchair (with someone in it and someone pushing it) and stop it.

We got on the plane. Turns out we thought we'd booked on a 717 (seats divided 3/2), but we were actually on a 737 (3 seats on either side). Which is fine, but he had a window seat and I had an aisle seat. Which is fine, because who likes to sit between two people they don't know? I decided to just sit in the middle and hope the person didn't get too upset.

Of course, no one knew what was going on. I was all ready to explain the situation to the flight attendant and the person whose seat I took, but instead this guy asks, "Anyone sitting here?" I started my spiel: "It's my assigned seat and I just moved over--" The guy goes, "We have assigned seats?" Oh great.

With people coming on the plane from both the front and back, the chaos was rampant. I eventually ended up sitting next to a lady with a guitar who had done some twisted switching to get an aisle seat. Finally the flight attendants/gate agents/random AirTran employee told everyone to just take a seat.

Not AirTran's fault but one of those annoying things about flying: the boy sitting in front of me had his seat leaned back. Until Nathan asked if he'd sit up. Plus, the boy talked constantly. Never stopped.

We hit the ground in Atlanta, where, thanks to ticket price variations and blah blah blah, we had about a 4 hour layover. We went to speak with customer service. We got the typical "I'm so sorry you had a bad experience; if you fill out a comment card, that will go to corporate." We got food (yay Moe's!). Nathan decided to try again. No one there was senior enough to make a decision to upgrade us for free. I tried to sleep.

It's finally time to get on board. Finally time to go home. We board with our zone. We get down the jetway to within sight of the plane then stop. Everyone stops. The gate agent is oblivious and keeps calling zones. I looked back and saw that the whole jetway was filled with people who wanted to board. Finally, finally, we get on the plane. It's what we expected when we booked. It was a miserable flight. Not the worst I've had, but pretty bad. My stomach hurt, I was exhausted but couldn't lean back and sleep nor lean on Nathan and sleep (both positions hurt), when I tried leaning forward and sleeping, the girl in front of me bumped back in her seat and woke me up both times, and to top things off, just before we started the final approach, she decided she wanted to lean back. Directly between my legs. Because if the seat's reclined, there's no where for my legs to go except out.

So that's the travel horror story. I would really rather pay a little extra to fly Delta or United or anyone other than AirTran in the future. Tampa is still up in the air--I just won't be flying there on AirTran.

Nathan and I leave tomorrow morning for our honeymoon! :joy

We're flying to Tampa tomorrow and staying there tomorrow night. Monday we get on a big boat and go to Grand Cayman and Cozumel, then we'll be home late Saturday night.

So no internet for a week. Once upon a time, that would have sent me into a panic, lol. Now, it's a relief. Reading and knitting and hanging out with my husband. I'm terribly excited.

We're on a break. A long break. I didn't know it was possible to feel this shitty after a night of drinking.

Tequila, let's wait a while. Like, a year. At least.

53. The Magicians, Lev Grossman( 1-53 )

I got this book the day I got married. :D I heard a review of it on NPR and thought it sounded interesting.

Quentin is a high school student set on going to Yale or Princeton or someplace just as fancy and smart when he's whisked away to a school of magic to take the admissions test. What follows is Quentin's trials of finding out what he really wants: real life? Magic? Admission to the Narnia-like land he loved to read about as a child?

The Magicians was a weird mish-mash of Hogwarts and Narnia. I could see echoes and influences of both, especially when comparing Quentin's beloved Fillory and Narnia. The students at Brakebills--the magic school--know Harry Potter and laugh at the books, making moments of hyper reality in the story that are weird and kind of cool.

I got a bit tired of Quentin and his high-schoolness, which he doesn't grow out of till the end of the book, when things get the most interesting. A well-written book, though, and entertaining in a more adult way than Harry Potter or Narnia.

Yay! It was fun. Yay! It's over. :P ( play by play )

51. The Gathering Storm, Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson ( 1-50 )

Awesomely totally amazingly excellent. One of the funniest books of the series. I've never laughed that much reading a WoT book. Also, many goosebumpy moments and fist pumping moments and teary-eyed moments.

50. The Last Witchfinder, James Morrow ( 1-49 )

A decent book. A bit far-spread, I think. The main character starts in England, moves to the colonies with her father and brother, is kidnapped by Indians, rescued (sort of) by a mail carrier from Philadelphia, meets and falls in love with a young Ben Franklin, meets Isaac Newton, is shipwrecked, rescued by pirates, and gets back to Philadelphia. Oh, and in between, she sets out to prove there are no demons and no witchcraft.

It's like everything that could happen to Jennet Stearne in the early 1700s in colonial America, did. I think the author could have pared it down a bit. However, overall, the book is entertaining. Narration about Jennet is interspersed with narration from Newton's Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica (Mathematical Principals of Natural Philosophy). The book much admires Jennet and her dedication to reason--the entire novel is really a hymn to reason and sense and the pursuit thereof.

49. Coyote Dreams, C. E. Murphy ( 1-48 )

Fan. Tas. Tic. Loved this book. Loving this author. Urban Shaman is the first in the series. If you like funny books about mystical things, try this series.

48. Witches, Inc., K. E. Mills ( 1-47 )

This is the sequel to The Accidental Sorcerer ('09 #37). One thing I liked about the second better than the first was the multiple viewpoints. Sorcerer focuses on Gerald, but Witches focuses on Gerald and Melissande, princess and former prime minister of New Ottosland and living incognito in Ottosland to run a business, Witches, Inc., with her newfound friend Emmerabiblia Markham (Bibbie). Bibbie's brother and Gerald's best friend Monk gets in on the action, too, as well as Reg, Gerald's companion who also happens to be a talking bird.

At the end of Sorcerer, Gerald was offered a job with the top-secret, covert section of the Department of Thaumaturgy. He accepted so he could make up for the incidents he indirectly caused in the first book. We don't see much of Gerald at first--we see his test, but then scene cut to Witches, Inc. The girls finally get a job figuring out if one of the contestants in the Golden Whisk baking contest is cheating, and there are interdimensional sprites and exploding cakes and crazy birds. Well, Reg acting like she's a crazy bird.

This job leads to another job, more prestigious and with better pay and, potentially, better publicity. There, Melissande runs into Gerald and they all get mingled together and start working on the same case.

Cute book. The ending was rather predictable, though, and I kept thinking, "Why don't they just do *this*? It would be so much easier." And *this* was what happened. Still, a fun book.

47. The Werewolf's Guide to Life: A Manual for the Newly Bitten, Ritch Duncan & Bob Powers( 1-46 )

I bought this thinking it would be something like World War Z ('09 #3), but it turned out to be more like Zombie Survival Guide ('09 #12). It's an instructional manual for the newly bitten werewolf. One thing I like about it is that there is no tongue in cheek--in the world the authors have created, there are werewolves, they are dangerous, and it is possible to be a productive human being while still being a werewolf 3 times a week. Entertaining, but I'd recommend reading it in the bookstore or borrowing from the library.

46. Boomsday, Christopher Buckley( 1-45 )

We listened to this on audio, and it was fantastic. It's about Cassandra Devine, ten years after her father spent her college tuition on a dotcom startup. She joined the army instead ("They'll pay for Yale," her father insisted), and now she's a publicist and blogger. She encourages her generation (Generation Whatever) to rise against the Baby Boomers because, she says, the Boomers have left her generation with no inheritance but debt. Her solution to the social security crises is perfect. The chaos that ensues because of her solution is hilarious.

I had another tooth pulled today. This was my left top molar. It went much easier. I knew what to expect. I didn't cry. The doctor said it was a bigger tooth with less to hold on to and so it was harder to pull, but I thought it went very easily.

Now, here's hoping I never have to have another tooth pulled.

Oh! Oh! Benefits of having 2 less teeth in my mouth:
During the healing process, I have a direct line to my bloodstream for caffeine.
Also, you know that game chubby bunny? If not, I'll sum up: each person puts a marshmallow in their mouth and says "chubby bunny." Add a marshmallow, say it again. Continue till only one person is left. With two less teeth, I'll be able to get more marshmallows in my mouth.

45: A Touch of Dead, Charlaine Harris ( 1-44 )

I had my yearly women's exam today, so I rewarded myself by going to Barnes and Noble and having a huge hot chocolate and buying a couple of books. I saved myself 20 bucks by reading A Touch of Dead right there in the store. It was a short book, a collection of 4 or 5 short stories in the Sookie Stackhouse saga. It was nice to have some holes filled in. Most of the stories are lighthearted and fun, and I'd recommend this to anyone who reads the series. Though, save yourself some money and spend a couple of hours in a comfy chair and read it in the store. :P

44. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson ( 1-43 )

Excellent book. In the original Swedish, it's called Men who Hate Women (Män som hatar kvinnor for my Swedish friends for any nuances that may not come through to the English).

It starts out about Mikael Blomkvist, a financial journalist, and it's incredibly boring. I don't know much about Swedish financial journalism, and I still know little because this is all fiction. :P Blomkvist is convicted of libel against Hans-Erik Wennerström, a financier in Sweden. Blomkvist is subsequently hired by Henrik Vanger to write a biography and, more importantly, investigate the disappearance of Henrik's niece Harriet. Lisbeth Salander is a researcher for a firm that does background checks, and through one thing and another, Salander and Blomkvist start working together to solve Harriet's mystery.

Definitely worth reading, and I'm looking forward to the sequel, The Girl who Played with Fire.

I had a tooth pulled on Monday. I had something of a hard time with it.

Tuesday morning, we were driving to work when Nathan's phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket, answered, said, "That's my wife, just a minute" and handed the phone to me. It was the doctor calling to make sure I was doing okay.

I've never had a doctor of any sort call me the next day to make sure I was okay and reassure me about upcoming procedures.

(A note on why he called Nathan: I think Nathan's listed as the contact under the insurance, so I think somehow his number is now my number according to the dentists' office.)

I want a hot fudge-soaked piece of chocolate chip chocolate cake with chocolate sprinkles over the top and whipped cream.

And it's not even time for my period.